So where (and who) am I now? Well, for starters, I am a 23 year old Scottish 'lass'. As I am writing this it is currently 9.14am on Tuesday 2nd April 2019, I am now four days away from handing in my fourth year 15,000 literature dissertation (I live in Scotland, hence why it is 4 years) and after another sleepless night I am procrastinating. Sleep patterns do not currently exist. As I begin to end this chapter of my life and begin another I wish to reflect, particularly on the past year and instead of telling you a long, possibly boring story I will just illustrate all the things that I can think of that I have learnt about myself.
The past year has been a year I have learnt more about my brain and my body and how it all works, specifically mine, and without getting too personal, here we go. I am beginning to learn how my BPD works and also how it has affected my relationships with others and myself, why I react to thinks in certain ways, but most importantly I am also trying to learn that I should not be ashamed of it or ignore it, just accept it as a fragment, a speckle of sand in the grand scheme of myself. Also, I am in therapy, which is helping and I am happy I am taking control of my mental health, as much as I feel capable of doing that is. I have also learned that I have a 'condition' called autoimmune hypothyroidism' which sounds rather scary but it really is not, and going to the doctors to get on antibiotics was one of the best things I could have done for myself this year, so all in all doctors=brilliant, and I am a firm believer in if you do not know what the issue is, you can't help it, so you might as well get all the information available to you.
My bisexuality is not 50/50 and that is okay and I do not need to put a number on it. I do not know how much I am attracted sexually or romantically to the males or to the females, but that is okay, it does not need to be defined. The start of last year, my three year relationship ended, he was and still remains my best friend, he is my closest rock and yes, I am definitely still attached but it is okay. I then proceeded to get into another relationship very rapidly with one of the kindest people I have ever known, she has taught me to be kind and patient, yet also that sometimes people are good for each other but the timing makes it wrong. So I am at a point right now, where I am focusing on me, myself and I, and I am trying to get myself to believe that it is okay.
Ultimately, this little space on the internet does not represent who I have grown to be to this point in my life, so we are going to be getting a little revamping. But, enough doom and gloom, GOOD THINGS that happened the past year.
I volunteered as a mental health volunteer in Sri Lanka for 5 weeks.
-That was absolutely, one of the best experiences of my life, may do a post about it.
I have came closer and closer to finishing my degree (with a possible good mark).
- Only a week to go!!
I watched my sister get married.
I discovered a love for Italy and have made plans to go there.
I like myself a lot more.
My family booked a trip to New York for this September.
I visited my best friend down in London and we went to see Matilda.
I passed my theory test and sitting my practical soon.
So, here is some more information about 23 year old me
I am still obsessed with Canada.
Now, more so with Italy.
I am more secure in myself.
I read a lot more.
My sense of style is growing (sort of).
Lucas Graham is now my love, his purple album is gold.
I am so ready to be finished with University.
I am moving into a flat by myself in the next month.
I am moving to a new city in the next month.
I am starting a new, full time job next month.
I am excited and apprehensive about all three things.
I may get a cat.
I am learning to drive (finally).
I like driving.
I am getting more comfortable with who I am and how my brain works.
I try to remain positive
At the end of it all, we am not stagnant, we are constantly growing and changing and sometimes it is east to forget.
