Sunday, 18 December 2016


It's 3am and these were some thoughts: 

I am someone who adores the spark in my loved one’s eyes, as if there is no lie or deceit.

I am not my degree, someone who is bound by handcuffs to only have one interest or passion.
  Someone who has to read two books every week and yet feel ashamed leaving the seminar class as I was too exhausted to finish so I read the last chapter summary on Spark notes on the bus.

A vegetarian who fell in love with animals and swore to never harm. 

Someone who fell in love with cooking as if I could create a beautiful, delicious meal I could live another day and do it again.

Someone who is at a was with their own mind who is drowning and crumbling under boulders when all they are searching for is peace and silence in the crowd.Is the fact that my bed is not made going to hurt my family or make me fail my exams, realistically probably not.

I am someone who loves unconditionally and silently as walls are too high to climb.

Someone who loves dancing till my feet are screaming for slippers instead of heels.

But also lying in bed an hour after I wake up wondering how the world came about whilst thinking if Mildred is the right name for my stuffed bear.

I am someone who is silent, yet loud, extrovert yet introvert.  Someone who can feel like they can travel anywhere, learn any language, bleeding with independence and ready for adulthood.  Yet riddled with self-doubt and feeling like I should be back in Primary 1, sitting on the floor at assembly on the first day wishing I could start again.

Snapping back into reality with less than 24 hours to write a 2,500 words on the importance of something that may seem relevant now but won’t in 25 hours.

Someone who is realising that the card that has been dealt is your card, no swapping like the in the game of poker.Your card is what you get and are, at times unfortunately, are stuck with while you contemplate whether to fold or to stay in the game.

But it is worth seeing all the possibilities as there is always more than one.

I am a bundle of imperfections, striving for the impossibilities of the perfection of my own world.

But I am also someone who is proud to love and not bound by the limitations and restrictions of gender or race.  

Someone who believes that everything has an element of beauty.

Love, Tay.

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